Groundhog Day Blog

“Geoffrey our Mastiff ate the frigging Groundhog,” Mary Rose McGill stammered out the news as she joined Robinson Leary, Marge Aaron and Hadley Joy Morris-Whitfield at Table 12 in Meadow Lakes Retirement Community’s dining room.

“Did you call the vet?” Robbie asked.

“She doesn’t need to,” Wiley Vondra said. He walked over to their table and pulled up a chair. He turned it around and sat on it backward, his arms resting on the back. At the same time, Alphonso Greatwood, Meadow Lakes owner drove up on his scooter, The Mean Machine.

“Who doesn’t need to what?” he asked.

“Call the vet,” Wiley answered. “On the ranches dogs eat groundhogs all the time. It just means they’ll poop an oversized hairball eventually.”

“I love Groundhog Day,” Robbie said.  “There are a lot of groundhogs and at least one of them will have a forecast more reliable than the weather service.”

Hadley smiled, “Valentine’s Day is too depressing. Groundhog Day gives you a chance to say ‘Punxsutawney’ out loud.”

Marge spoke up, “If a rodent can bring an early spring, more power to it!”

“Look at it this way,” Alphonso said, pouring himself a cup of decaf from the pot on table 12. “The Easter Bunny is a stupid animal that gives us an opportunity to spend money on chocolate. On February 2 you can order pork sausage and, just like old Geoffrey,  eat ground hog.” They moaned. 

Here is what I see from my desk where I’m writing BOOBs VII.

And here’s what critics are saying about what I’ve done with it so far.

Critic I: “It’s the funniest first page of any of the series.”

That’s saying something since I starts with Maggie Patten shooting her husband’s headstone, II starts with the words, “Patty Whack was n fun at all”, III begins with Frieda Grossemouth driving her Cadillac into the dining room, IV sees Percolator  Rasmussen spread eagled on the dining room floor, his head smashed in, his throat cut, a nylon cord around his neck, a bullet hole in his jacket and a knife in his back, V features Mary Rose in Depends and VI show Wiley Vondra and Mary Rose fighting over chickens.

Critic 2: How does she think of all these things? And all those names like Abstinence Evermore and DieWell Barebones, not to mention Sam and Ella Simptums?

Answer: A warped mind.

Critic 3: Joy who? BOOBs VII is fun to write and I hope will be more fun to read.

And we’re offering a special on the next page.

If you have loaned your other BOOB Girls books, and like most, never seen them again, you can replace them by simply emailing me at joy.johnson@msn.com, telling me which ones you want and sending a check for $15 for each book or $66 for all six. No shipping charge for you. You will also be invited to the launch party to be announced as soon as I finish VII.

In the meantime: Here is my schedule for February. Come get a hug at the Carter Lake IA library or Griswold IA or Our Saviors.

February 2 – Owenn Library Carter Lake, Mary Schomer, 10am 1120 Willow

February 18 – Griswold Library, 12pm, Sue Peterson, 712-778-4130

February 19 – Chatty Hens Red Hats, Trinity Village, Jane Jones, jjones@ihsi.org 522 W Lincoln St, Papillion, NE 68046(402) 614-5500

February 22 – Sunday, 2pm Bold Women of ELCA, Our Saviors Evangelical Lutheran Church, 600 Bluff Street, Council Bluffs.  

If you want me to speak at your group or meeting, I would be delighted.

Just call me at 402-639-2939, email me at joy.johnson@msn.com or through my website at www.theboobgirlscom