Calendar Update

“Geez!” Mary Rose McGill did an eye roll. “I didn’t realize she was that old! Why she’s as old as or older than we are.”

“Nobody knows how old we are,” Hadley Joy Morris Whitfield smiled and took a sip of coffee. They were seated as usual at Table 12 in the Meadow Lakes Retirement Community dining room, and they were talking about their author – the lady who had created them and brought them to life. And they weren’t exactly showing her the respect she, Joy Johnson, thought she deserved.

“She’s pretty well preserved for 75,” Marge Aaron said.

“She should be!” Robinson Leary poured hot coffee into her nearly empty cup. “She’s eaten enough preservatives in all the fast food she’s devoured to preserve a rhino.”

“She’s still reasonable trim and you’ve got to admit she looks pretty good,” Mary Rose was insistent. The others just looked at her.

“Trim?” Hadley finally said. “Trim? She’s at least 15 pounds heavier than she was when she was 50.That was when her metabolism rolled over on its back and died. She’s definitely thicker now.”

Mary Rose had an answer. “That’s because there is so much knowledge and wisdom in her head that her head can’t hold it all and it has to trickle down through the rest of her body. That’s why she’s thicker.” The entire statement had a “so there!” tone to it.

“You’re only saying that, Mary Rose, because in every book she lets you say her soapbox statement about older women being beautiful.”

Mary Rose started her speech before anyone could say anything. “Older women are beautiful. Just look at us. Our faces are chiseled and sculpted by joy and sorrow, laughter and tears. Our hair is blown thin by winds of experience and there is so much knowledge an wisdom in our heads….”

Hadley held up her hand. “Stop, Sweetie. We all know it by heart and we all believe it.” She smiled and patted Mary Rose’s hand, Mary Rose wouldn’t stop. “Just remember, Joy can get up in the morning and she doesn’t need a caffeine boost to get going. She loves people. Like we used to say, ‘She never meets a stranger,’ and she is loving and kind and even if people hurt her she still likes them and treats them tenderly and lovingly.”

Robbie smiled. “You just described her dog, Mary Rose.”

Mary Rose wasn’t giving up. “She has always loved life and played by the rules.”

Hadley raised her eyebrows. “She’s so old now she can’t remember the rules.”

They laughed, even Mary Rose.

“I remember some famous quotes about being 75,” Robbie said. She thought for a minute. “Lucille Ball said, ‘The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”

“She doesn’t lie about her age. She acts like she’s proud of it,” Hadley added. “Like she earned those wrinkles.”

Robbie went on. Jack Benny said, ‘Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.’

“I think she minds sometimes,” Marge nodded. “She has a sign in her little kitchen that says, ‘Old Age is Coming at A Really Bad Time.”

“Yeah,” Hadley agreed. “She also has a sign that says, ‘A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.’”

“Hey,” Hadley smiled. “Birthdays are good for you. People who have the most birthdays live the longest.”They groaned.

“She brought us to life girls. That’s a biggie.” Mary Rose was adamant.

“She brought us to life as old ladies, Mary Rose! She could have made us young and cute and romantic. She could have put us in a sexy romance novel.” Hadley sounded like it was a serious complaint.

“No she couldn’t,” Mary Rose insisted. “We are who we are. And Joy has one thing going for her. She loves and lives a life of gratitude. She’s grateful for us and we’re grateful for her.”

They were quiet.

“Saturday’s the day,” Marge said, looking at each of them. “Our author is 75 years old on Saturday, June 23rd.”

She lifted her cup of coffee. “Here’s to Joy, our creator. Happy Birthday, Girlfriend.”

The other three lifted their cups as well.“She would rather it be champagne,” Hadley whispered. Then she smiled.

Joy’s Note: I will indeed be 75 this month. And I do indeed love life and live a life of gratitude. A whole lot of you went to The Center for the Book online and nominated The BOOB Girls for Nebraska book of the year. We won’t get it. The big stores have to special order it, The Bookworm in Omaha really has an exclusive on the series because I believe in independent bookstores and, let’s face it, the series is for a select group…us seasoned women. But we made our voices heard. Maybe someone will realize we’re a good audience and we like to read.

BOOBs V: The Secret of the Red Cane is on its way from the publisher as you read this. I think it’s going to be a favorite. I really liked it when I gave it the final read.

Save the Dates: Saturday, July 20, Centering Corporation will be a fun afternoon launch for BOOBs V. You are invited to our office, 7230 Maple Street in Omaha, from 1-4pm for cheap champagne, popcorn with goldfish crackers and M&Ms. Here’s where you can have fun, laugh loudly and get inscribed and signed BOOB Girl books.

Sunday, August 11, The Bookworm, 87the and Pacific will be the site of the second launch. 1-4pm again, and if you can’t make one, we hope you can make the other. The Bookworm is always fun and of course, we’ll still have cheap champagne and popcorn.

BOOB Girls Calendar will be ready in September. We had so many interested calendar girls we have an 18 month calendar. Do you realize how gutsy it is for old ladies to make an 18 month calendar? It’s like a 95 year old buying green bananas. All the calendar girls have AARP cards and are beautiful. It will be a super delightful gift for everyone on your list,

Sip and Ship And remember, if you’re in the Omaha area and have packages to ship, don’t stand in line at the post office, UPS Store or other shipping location. Come to Centering Corporation at 7230 Maple and let Nick, Kelsey and Ben carry your packages in, put them in exactly the right sized shipping box, secure them professionally and get them out that day. You enjoy a really good cup of coffee or tea, browse our books or go next door to Benson Plant Rescue. Cost – actual shipping and if you want to make a donation of any size to Centering, that’s fine, too. Our latest work has been with the tornado victims in Moore, Oklahoma. You can help and get your packages shipped at the same time.

BOOBs VI is starting to talk to me in my head. Robinson Leary will inherit a haunted bed and breakfast in Salem’s Crossing, Nebraska. I’ll be asking for your ideas, so start thinking about spooks.

Thank you for loving The BOOB Girls. We all love you – even more now that I’m 75.