Christmas Blog

Christmas Blog 2013 - Searching for Santa

“Look at this memo!” Hadley Joy Morris Whitfield was waving a piece of paper in her hand as she hurried toward Table 12 in the Meadow Lakes Retirement Community dining room.

Marge Aaron, retired homicide detective, reached up and took it from her hand before she could sit down. She looked at it quickly and smiled as she handed it to Dr. Robinson Leary, retired professor from Creighton University. Mary Rose McGill, sweet Catholic girl, slid her chair closer to Robbie and leaned over to get a look at the memo. It was on bright yellow paper and printed in a large font that could only be described as yelling-at-you red. Robbie began to read out loud:

·         Residents and staff may not run aluminum foil through the shredder to make tinsel.

 

·         Staff work requests from residents are not to be filed under “bah Humbug!”

 

·         All fruitcake must be eaten before July 25

 

·         Going over the river and through the woods requires staff take a vacation day

 

·         Residents my not sneak into the office and play jingle bells on the touch tone phones.

 

·         Eggnog will not be dispensed through the residents’ vending machines.

They looked at each other and laughed. Mary Rose McGill pulled the paper toward her and continued to read aloud:
 

“The four stages of man –

He believes in Santa Claus

He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus

He IS Santa Claus

He LOOKS LIKE Santa Claus.

"Oh, that’s good!” Mary Rose handed the paper back to Hadley. Hadley hadn’t laughed as loud as the others. She had a rather down-in-the-dumps look about her.
 

“OK, girlfriend,” Marge said, looking seriously at Hadley,  “What’s going on?”

 

Hadley smiled a sad little smile. “I decorated my apartment yesterday – all the Christmas stuff is out and in place.”

 

“And?” Robbie asked.

 

“Some of my favorite stuff is missing. It disappeared when I moved from the big apartment in book five to the smaller one on the floor below. The big Santas I always stood around the living room are gone and my collection of every Christmas Carol movie ever made is gone, too.” She looked as if she might cry.

 

Everyone was quiet. Finally Mary Rose spoke. “I’m sorry, Hadley. Christmas is hard enough as it is, then when you lose precious things, it’s worse.”

 

“Especially if you lose precious people,” Robbie added.

 

“One of my best friends had to put her beautiful dog, Savannah down this month.” Marge’s eyes were damp. “Christmas can really be a time of loss. There is more depression at Christmas than any other time of the year,” Marge added.

They were quiet again.

 

A woman in a Christmas sweater that looked as if it had hung too long on a Goodwill hanger came toward them with a huge, toothy grin. Her necklace of red and green miniature light bulbs was blinking bright red and green. She wore a Santa hat, red ankle-high boots and had long dangling light bulb earrings.

“Behold,” Marge said, “Barb E. Dahl approaches.

 

The woman pulled up a chair and joined the girls uninvited. They looked at her and actually couldn’t help smiling.

 

“Hey, Barb E.,” Mary Rose said.

 

Barb E. didn’t miss a beat. “Why the sad faces? Are you four buying into this holiday depression crap?”

 

“Hadley is missing some of her favorite things,” Robbie said.

 

“All in brown paper packages tied up with string?” Barb E. asked.

 

“No,” Hadley had to smile. “But,” and she began to sing, “Those are a few of my favorite things.”

 

“Just think like a cat,” Barb E. said. “Remember the Christmas note from the cat?” She stood and began to recite.

 

We, your cats,
at Christmas say,
Thanks for caring
for us each day.
We love this season,
all green and red,
And by the way,
the hamster’s dead.”

 

“That is so bad!” Hadley began to laugh. “I used to love Christmas. I don’t know when I began to not love it, when I let it worry me, annoy me, badger me. But it’s going to stop! I saw a sign I may need to track down and hang where I see it every day. It said,

 

It is what it is

 

It becomes what you make of it.

I’m going to be like the reformed Scrooge and make every day Christmas and enjoy this season. There are so many who have no Christmas at all in their lives. I resolve to relish the trees and the lights and the decorations I’m lucky enough to have. I’m going to savor my friends and family. I’m going to drink deep of the fine wine of life.” She slapped the table top for emphasis.

“Oh Crap,” Barb E. Dahl said. “Relish – savor – drink. Reminds me. I left a roast in the oven and it’s going to be overcooked!”

She got up and hustled out of the dining room, her necklace flashing, her earrings bouncing and that’s when they noticed she had on red and white striped stockings and bells on her toes.

May you relish and savor and drink deep of the wine of life.

May you remember Hadley’s sign:

It is what it is

It becomes what you make it.

Hot Reads for Cold Nights

::RESCHEDULED DUE TO WEATHER::

6:00 p.m., Monday, January 23

The BOOB Girls appear at

Council Bluffs Library

400 Willow Ave

Council Bluffs, Iowa 51503

712-323-7553

Click here for a map
Click here for a story update in the Daily Nonpareil

It may look different if we have a snowy January!

(update: we sure did have a snowy, frigid January!)

Personal Notes & News

Personal Note – this Blog is Different

Usually blogs from The BOOB Girls are fun and simple and give us information on all kinds of things. This one is different. It’s personal.

Every year for the last 10 years, my Sweetie Marv and I have gone to Orlando, Florida for the winter. It’s been great. Now his cancer is back, he has COPD and some heart issues and just isn’t strong enough to tackle a 40ft fifth wheel trailer and the work it requires. We’re in Omaha for the winter. That means...

I am available in January, February and March and throughout the year, to come and annoy any group you want annoyed. Each year I do between 55-60 presentations on the books and the girls and the beauty of older women. In fact, you probably gave me your email at one of those. So if you have a:

• Church group
• Red Hats
• Book club
• Sorority
• PEO or other chapter
• Civic Group
• Class
• Local Library
• Retirement Community

Contact me at phone or email at the end of this blog. It will be fun.

      

The BOOB Girls Calendar is a success. We had a delightful launch party with most of the calendar girls, cheap champagne and lots of snacks, only one of which even looked healthy. The Bookworm in Countryside Village at 87th and Pacific has them. You can get them from me at my email or www.theboobgirls.com. The most interesting place to get them though, is at Centering Corporation, 7230 Maple where you can browse through the best grief resources in the world if you or someone you love is grieving you definitely want to stop by and have a good cup of coffee. We’ll also ship your BOOB Girl books and the calendar anywhere in the US free. Calendars are $15.

 

New Line of Inexpensive Cards  This is all my fault. I got tired of paying four or five dollars for a card, so we made some very nice BOOB Girl cards which simply have the girls’ sayings on the front, are blank inside. They come in a set of all five for $10 or we can make you a set of any number you want. They say:

• Card #1. Never Underestimate A Burned Out Old Broad
• Card # 2. Let us be grateful from the bottom of our bosoms
• Card #3. The BOOB Girls are the GOOD Girls (Phyllis Diller)
• Card # 4. Seasoned Women Need STDs

                        Strength

                        Tenderness

                        Determination

                        Smarts

• And the last card, #5 says "Grace, Humor, Courage, Confidence"

They’re good for all occasions and you can take a look at them on the website.

 

Sip and Ship – Save the Date! If you are in Omaha or even within a hundred miles of here, come join us on Saturday, December 14 from 10am-2pm. It’s a Centering open house and it’s fun.

Shown here are Santa and Mrs. Claus and Elf Supervisor, Jessica Joy

Bring any presents you need to ship and we will:

       o   Gift wrap them with free giftwrap

       o   Ship them at cost + any size donation to Centering Corporation

       o   Give you fabulous coffee, tea, punch, snacks and hugs

       o   Let you sit on the laps of Mr and Mrs Claus for photos. It will be a great time!

 

That’s a lot of news. Call or email for a presentation, books a calendar or just me. 

And if you just want to get together for a cup of coffee – hey, you have my number.

 

Joy Johnson

The BOOB Girls: The Burned Out Old Broads at Table 12

joy.johnson@msn.com

402-639-2939

Like the girls on Facebook (the BOOB Girls)

 

Books II, III and IV are on special now on Kindle!

 

 

 

But They Don't Have Clothes On!

“I would never do that!” Mary Rose McGill said. “How could old ladies hide behind quilts and hats and typewriters and,” she flipped through pages, “and knitting! How could they do that?”

She was looking through the BOOB Girls Calendar, eighteen months of beautiful, seasoned women.

Marge Aaron lifted her copy and held it open to a page. “Look at this, girls. She has on an angel hat and is holding a sign that says, “A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.” They stretched in to look and everyone but Mary Rose laughed.

“How about this one?” Hadley pointed to another month. “She has on a catcher’s vest, the mask on top of her head and one hand in a baseball mitt. There’s a sign beside her that says, ‘Color Outside the Lines.’”

“I like the two beautiful African American ladies, one with the dog and one with the neat pillow and coffee mug,” Robbie said. “She thanks the ‘Warrior Women’ in her life.”

“But they don’t have clothes on!” Mary Rose squeeked.

“Yes they do!” Marge said. “Just their shoulders are bare. And look at the sisters wrapped in quilts – two sets.”

“Are you sure they have clothes on?”

“Mary Rose, it’s like that old movie, ‘Calendar Girls,’ they’re not revealing anything but their beauty and sense of humor.”

Mary Rose nodded. “There’s one here who looks like me. And look at the four BOOB Boys.” She finally laughed.

“You know what I like,” Hadley smiled. “I like the funny national days. Here’s ‘blame someone else day,’ and ‘Winnie the Pooh Day.”

“I’ve got ‘National forget your housework’ day,’ Marge said. “National hugging day.’ It’s an educational calendar.” She wiggled her eyebrows like Groucho Marx.

“And all the birthdays are famous women instead of men.” Robbie added. “Very cool.”

“It’s an 18 month calendar, too,” Robbie continued. She laughed again. “A bunch of burned out old broads doing an 18 month calendar is like a 90-year-old buying green bananas.”

“They are beautiful,” Hadley said.

“Robbie and Marge smiled and nodded. “A great gift to shock your children,” Marge said.

Mary Rose squinted at the picture of Mary, the beautiful BOOB Girl who looked like her.
“You sure they have clothes on?”

The BOOB Girls Calendar is here!

And yes – it is beautiful, with gorgeous pictures of seasoned women, funny national days and brilliant colors. My daughter Janet of Centering Corporation has outdone herself with layout and design.

Cost: $15 + $2 shipping.

Make checks out to BOOB Girls Calendar and send to Joy Johnson Box 4600, Omaha NE 68104. Order online at www.theboobgirls.com. If you are in the Omaha area, or close enough to get a carload of BOOB Girl Buddies together for a day-trip, come to our…

Calendar Launch Party

1-4pm on Saturday, October 5

Centering Corporation, 7230 Maple St, Omaha NE 68134

We’ll have music, laughter, great snacks and meet all the Calendar Girls who will sign your calendars.

Like Marge says – Shock Your Children. This is a Christmas present they won’t forget.

Book Signing

Note to my BOOB Girl Buddies:

This coming Sunday, August 11^th, from 1-4pm, the BOOB Girls and I will be at The Bookworm, 87^th and Pacific in Countryside Village. If you haven’t been to the Bookworm, you’ve missed a real treat. One of the few independent bookstores left, the girls go there in every book.

I’ll be signing BOOBs V, and we’ll be having their snacks when they watch movies - popcorn with goldfish crackers and M&M’s and cheap champagne. Even if you don’t buy the new book, come get a hug and enjoy a loving, welcoming atmosphere. (as well as the cheap champagne.) Barney our Bernese Mountain Dog will be there for your doggie fix. Until then, enjoy the August Blog, an excerpt from the new book.

From BOOB Girls V: The Secret of the Red Cane

At the start of a good game of monopoly, the girls have just listened to Robbie read Ogden Nash’s  poem, Custard the Dragon, which includes a Pi-rate Climbing in the Window. Here’s the story.

Mary Rose reached over and grabbed Robbie’s arm. “Oh for Heaven’s sake!” she said, and she pointed to the small window next to the door that led outside to the patio. “Look what Wiley and Alphonso have done now!”

They turned and looked. There, trying to open the window was a dark-skinned man dressed in a poncho, cowboy boots and a big Mexican sombrero. He was struggling with the window, trying to force it open. He bent and laid something on the ground, pushed up with all his might and the window slowly groaned and started even more slowly to open.

“Should we tell him the door next to that window is never locked?” Robbie asked.

“Naw,” Marge said.

“Why spoil his fun,” Hadley said.

“It’s good exercise for him,” Mary Rose added.

They watched. The man, of medium height, had a handlebar mustache and little goatee. He was trying to wrestle something off the ground and get one leg through the window at the same time. He finally rolled through the window and knelt down on the dining room floor, picking something up in each hand.

“Wiley and Alphonso have out-done themselves getting us a real pirate,” Mary Rose said. She squinted at the man. “Well, at least a sort-of pirate.”

“I don’t recognize him as one of the guys who live here,” Robbie said, “But with that hat and mustache, it’s hard to tell.” She turned her chair so she could see better. After about two minutes of catching his breath and gathering up whatever he was gathering up, the man stood with some effort and turned toward the four girls at table 12. He jumped. He looked as if he hadn’t known they were there in the empty dining room.

“Nice touch,” Marge said.

“Should we applaud now?” Mary Rose asked.

“I don’t think so,” Marge said. Her voice had a strange edge to it. Then, like Marge, they all really looked at the pirate who had just climbed through their winda.

A massive ammunition belt was draped from one shoulder to his opposite hip. In one hand he held what looked like a grenade, in the other was a pistol, and there was a mean-looking knife he held tight in his teeth. His sombrero had slipped down over his eyes. He pushed it up with the fist that held the grenade.

“Bit overdone,” Hadley said.

“But cute,” Mary Rose nodded.

Robbie leaned forward over the table as if that would give her a closer view. “I still don’t recognize him, and Wiley and Alphonso couldn’t have gotten some actor from the outside in just an hour or two. He has to be a resident.”

Marge still didn’t say anything.

The strange man walked toward them with big, strong steps. He stopped in front of the table.

“Ma cramme diss sloppery im da mame of Bursch!”

Marry Rose smiled. “Honey, we can’t understand a word you’re saying. Now hand me that grenade and take the knife out of your mouth.” She was using her “mother voice.” She held out her hand like a kindergarten teacher would for a student’s gum.

The man stared at her and looked shocked. Instead of handing her the grenade, he lifted the pistol to point at Mary Rose. At the same time, Marge lifted her cane, pressed a jewel and tasered him in the balls.

 He went down, the knife clattering out of his mouth, the grenade rolling under the table and the pistol sliding toward Marge, who calmly and quickly picked it up.

“Marge!” the other three girls yelled at the same time and jumped to their feet.

Robbie’s chair fell over with a bang, Mary Rose knocked the Monopoly bank money onto the board and Hadley’s mug hopped three times as if it were trying to escape. They rushed over to the prone man and looked down at him.

“You tasered our pirate!” Hadley said.

“In his manly parts!” Robbie added.

“He’s dressed so cute, too,” Mary Rose almost whined.

The Mexican pirate stirred and tried to roll over. Marge tasered him again, in the same place.

                                                  Watch for our BOOB Girls Calendar

                                                                 Ready next month.

                                                     You'll be invited to a launch party.

Calendar Update

“Geez!” Mary Rose McGill did an eye roll. “I didn’t realize she was that old! Why she’s as old as or older than we are.”

“Nobody knows how old we are,” Hadley Joy Morris Whitfield smiled and took a sip of coffee. They were seated as usual at Table 12 in the Meadow Lakes Retirement Community dining room, and they were talking about their author – the lady who had created them and brought them to life. And they weren’t exactly showing her the respect she, Joy Johnson, thought she deserved.

“She’s pretty well preserved for 75,” Marge Aaron said.

“She should be!” Robinson Leary poured hot coffee into her nearly empty cup. “She’s eaten enough preservatives in all the fast food she’s devoured to preserve a rhino.”

“She’s still reasonable trim and you’ve got to admit she looks pretty good,” Mary Rose was insistent. The others just looked at her.

“Trim?” Hadley finally said. “Trim? She’s at least 15 pounds heavier than she was when she was 50.That was when her metabolism rolled over on its back and died. She’s definitely thicker now.”

Mary Rose had an answer. “That’s because there is so much knowledge and wisdom in her head that her head can’t hold it all and it has to trickle down through the rest of her body. That’s why she’s thicker.” The entire statement had a “so there!” tone to it.

“You’re only saying that, Mary Rose, because in every book she lets you say her soapbox statement about older women being beautiful.”

Mary Rose started her speech before anyone could say anything. “Older women are beautiful. Just look at us. Our faces are chiseled and sculpted by joy and sorrow, laughter and tears. Our hair is blown thin by winds of experience and there is so much knowledge an wisdom in our heads….”

Hadley held up her hand. “Stop, Sweetie. We all know it by heart and we all believe it.” She smiled and patted Mary Rose’s hand, Mary Rose wouldn’t stop. “Just remember, Joy can get up in the morning and she doesn’t need a caffeine boost to get going. She loves people. Like we used to say, ‘She never meets a stranger,’ and she is loving and kind and even if people hurt her she still likes them and treats them tenderly and lovingly.”

Robbie smiled. “You just described her dog, Mary Rose.”

Mary Rose wasn’t giving up. “She has always loved life and played by the rules.”

Hadley raised her eyebrows. “She’s so old now she can’t remember the rules.”

They laughed, even Mary Rose.

“I remember some famous quotes about being 75,” Robbie said. She thought for a minute. “Lucille Ball said, ‘The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”

“She doesn’t lie about her age. She acts like she’s proud of it,” Hadley added. “Like she earned those wrinkles.”

Robbie went on. Jack Benny said, ‘Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.’

“I think she minds sometimes,” Marge nodded. “She has a sign in her little kitchen that says, ‘Old Age is Coming at A Really Bad Time.”

“Yeah,” Hadley agreed. “She also has a sign that says, ‘A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.’”

“Hey,” Hadley smiled. “Birthdays are good for you. People who have the most birthdays live the longest.”They groaned.

“She brought us to life girls. That’s a biggie.” Mary Rose was adamant.

“She brought us to life as old ladies, Mary Rose! She could have made us young and cute and romantic. She could have put us in a sexy romance novel.” Hadley sounded like it was a serious complaint.

“No she couldn’t,” Mary Rose insisted. “We are who we are. And Joy has one thing going for her. She loves and lives a life of gratitude. She’s grateful for us and we’re grateful for her.”

They were quiet.

“Saturday’s the day,” Marge said, looking at each of them. “Our author is 75 years old on Saturday, June 23rd.”

She lifted her cup of coffee. “Here’s to Joy, our creator. Happy Birthday, Girlfriend.”

The other three lifted their cups as well.“She would rather it be champagne,” Hadley whispered. Then she smiled.

Joy’s Note: I will indeed be 75 this month. And I do indeed love life and live a life of gratitude. A whole lot of you went to The Center for the Book online and nominated The BOOB Girls for Nebraska book of the year. We won’t get it. The big stores have to special order it, The Bookworm in Omaha really has an exclusive on the series because I believe in independent bookstores and, let’s face it, the series is for a select group…us seasoned women. But we made our voices heard. Maybe someone will realize we’re a good audience and we like to read.

BOOBs V: The Secret of the Red Cane is on its way from the publisher as you read this. I think it’s going to be a favorite. I really liked it when I gave it the final read.

Save the Dates: Saturday, July 20, Centering Corporation will be a fun afternoon launch for BOOBs V. You are invited to our office, 7230 Maple Street in Omaha, from 1-4pm for cheap champagne, popcorn with goldfish crackers and M&Ms. Here’s where you can have fun, laugh loudly and get inscribed and signed BOOB Girl books.

Sunday, August 11, The Bookworm, 87the and Pacific will be the site of the second launch. 1-4pm again, and if you can’t make one, we hope you can make the other. The Bookworm is always fun and of course, we’ll still have cheap champagne and popcorn.

BOOB Girls Calendar will be ready in September. We had so many interested calendar girls we have an 18 month calendar. Do you realize how gutsy it is for old ladies to make an 18 month calendar? It’s like a 95 year old buying green bananas. All the calendar girls have AARP cards and are beautiful. It will be a super delightful gift for everyone on your list,

Sip and Ship And remember, if you’re in the Omaha area and have packages to ship, don’t stand in line at the post office, UPS Store or other shipping location. Come to Centering Corporation at 7230 Maple and let Nick, Kelsey and Ben carry your packages in, put them in exactly the right sized shipping box, secure them professionally and get them out that day. You enjoy a really good cup of coffee or tea, browse our books or go next door to Benson Plant Rescue. Cost – actual shipping and if you want to make a donation of any size to Centering, that’s fine, too. Our latest work has been with the tornado victims in Moore, Oklahoma. You can help and get your packages shipped at the same time.

BOOBs VI is starting to talk to me in my head. Robinson Leary will inherit a haunted bed and breakfast in Salem’s Crossing, Nebraska. I’ll be asking for your ideas, so start thinking about spooks.

Thank you for loving The BOOB Girls. We all love you – even more now that I’m 75.

The BOOB Girls and Romance?

“Here she comes again,” Hadley Joy Morris-Whitfield said with a frown.

“Oh Crap!” Robinson Leary responded.

“I hate it when she shows up,” Mary Rose McGill said, sounding as ticked off as Hadley looked. “She always wants to tell us what to do.”

“Who?” Marge Aaron asked. They were all at table 12, but Marge’s back was to the big doors leading into the Meadow Lakes dining room.

“Joy Johnson,” Hadley answered. “You know. Our author. Our writer. The Burned Out Old Broad who thinks she created us.”

“Like anyone could ‘create’ us!” Mary Rose said.

Before anyone else could speak, Joy Johnson was pulling up a chair at table 12.

“OK Girls. I have a question.” She sat down. They looked at her. No one, including the newcomer, offered a greeting. No one invited the author to join them. The four BOOB Girls were indeed independent and stubborn characters, even if they were one hundred percent fiction,

“I’m working on BOOBs V: The Secret of the Red Cane,” Joy said, looking for a second at each of her characters.

“We know,” the other four said together.

“We’re in it,” Marge added.

“We’re the stars,” Mary Rose said.

Hadley and Robbie nodded.

“So what’s the big question?” Hadley asked.

Joy the author looked at Marge. “Would you be willing to fall in love with Alphonso?”

There was total silence. Everyone looked at Marge Aaron and waited.

“Say what?” Marge finally said.

“Would you be willing to have a relationship with Alphonso Greatwood, the big black retired football hero who has The Mean Machine scooter?”

‘We know who he is,” the others said together.

“OK, let me read what I’ve written about it so far. It’s under a heading called, Seasoned Women are Beautiful and here’s what you do after you’ve told the other three girls Alphonso asked you out for a day in the Old Market and matinee at the Orpheum Theater. As soon as you told them, Hadley called Peyton Claireborne, the famous black hair designer for an appointment for you to get ‘the works.’ They go for coffee at Wheatfield’s then they come back to pick you up after hair, nails and make over.”

Joy pulled out her Asus Tablet and began to read:


Seasoned Women are Beautiful

“Geez,”Mary Rose said as she looked at Marge. “You’re beautiful, Marge. I feel like I should go home and dust myself.”

“Beautiful,”Hadley agreed, a big smile making her eyes twinkle.

“Absolutely gorgeous,” Robbie chimed in.

Marge stood up from Peyton’s chair. Her nails were a beautiful pink, “Strawberry Marguerite” she said holding her hands out for them to see. Her makeup was perfect, with a sculptured look on her cheekbones, dark and expertly applied eye shadow and lipstick that was a muted version of her nails. She looked great.

“We’re not quite done,” Peyton announced. “This is a tremendously distinguished lady. And only a few, even the most distinguished, can pull this off.” He hurried into his back room and came out with a wide-brimmed hat that perfectly matched Marge’s pantsuit. The red band actually matched the red cane and canes could talk, Marge’s would be approving all over the place.

Peyton stood face-to-face with a new Marge Aaron, carefully put the hat on her head and arranged her hair even more carefully around it.

“Oh my God!” Robbie said, her hand going over her mouth.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” Mary Rose exclaimed.

“We’re making it sound like a religious experience,” Hadley laughed.

“Maybe it is,” Marge said. “Maybe it is.”

She draped the red cane over her arm. The jewels sparkled in a match with her earrings. A beautiful, seasoned Marge Aaron broke into a huge smile and turned toward the girls, the two nail techs, Andy and Peyton. They all broke into smiles and applause.


“OK, you’re beautiful,” Robbie said from her back seat of the Hummer. She was squeezed into a corner while Marge sat almost in the middle of the seat, both her arms stretched straight out.

“I’m afraid I’ll sweat,” Marge said.

“Well with your arms straight out like that, you look like a giant blackbird ready to take flight.”

Everyone laughed except Marge, who didn’t move her arms an inch.”


“That’s getting ready for a fun date,” Joy said, smiling.


Marge was grinning, too. “I look like that, I’m in. Alphonso Greatwood, look out!”Hadley, Robbie and Mary Rose did a team eye-roll and shook their heads.

The adventure was on!

If you want to order any or all of the books, email me at joy.johnson@msn.com or go to the website: www.theboobgirls.com for all four books for $45. On Amazon or in bookstores they can be as much as $60 and I'll be happy to inscribe them scandalously for Easter or Mother's Day or just plain 'because.'

And remember! If you have gifts or packages to ship, bring the to Centering Corporation, 7230 Maple St and let our staff pack them securely and do all the work while you sip coffee or tea or cocoa and browse our book room. It's our new Sip and Ship idea, and we'll pamper you instead of your standing in line at UPS or the post office. You pay actual shipping then make a donation of any size to Centering, our bereavement Resource Center. It's fun and relaxing as well.

The BOOB Girls' New Years Resolutions

The BOOB Girls’ New Year Resolutions: Created over coffee at Table 12

We Hereby Resolve:

Robbie Leary hereby resolves to never drink too much.

Since Robbie Leary doesn’t drink at all, that’s a clever touch.

Marge Aaron resolves to never let dark chocolate get away

And big Marge plans to eat some every single day.

Hadley Joy Morris-Whitfield, with the very long name

Has solemnly resolved to avoid all jokes that are lame

(there’s one that won’t last!

It will go down really fast.)

Mary Rose McGill, of whom Wiley Vondra is fond

Has resolved to keep her hair, “Sunshine City Blonde.”

And Wiley himself? That hip cowboy wannabe?

Resolves to get bifocals – mainly so he can see.

There’s Alphonso Greatwood, with a scooter he painted green

He resolves not to run over anyone with his Mean Machine

And as for Joy Johnson, our author, still very much alive

Joy resolves to finish The BOOB Girls, Book Five

BOOB Girls V will feature the evil, mean Bushes

A family who should be pushed onto their tushes.

There’s Thorny and Huckleberry  Bush, brothers to fear

And Lilac and Rose, who bring us no cheer.

The Bushes, along with the cute Hosemoffs

Will make book V filled with laughter and coughs.

Hiccups and burps will come along, too

Because they’ll be bringing more laughter to you.

BOOB Girls V: The Mystery of the Red Cane should be out in May.

As far as I can tell, unless I’m hit with some kind of creative storm, this will be the last book in the series. What I’d like from all of you is some consultation.

I’m thinking of a Burned Out Old Broads Boutique which will feature shirts, bracelets, a BOOB Girls Calendar (remember Calendar Girls), greeting cards and a boxed set of the books. My question: what do you think? It’s a sizeable investment, so I’m testing the waters to see if you think it will work. Email me at joy.johnson@msn.com and give me your thoughts? Would you shop there and is there anything else you’d like to see offered there?