“Geoffrey our Mastiff ate the
frigging Groundhog,” Mary Rose McGill stammered out the news as she joined
Robinson Leary, Marge Aaron and Hadley Joy Morris-Whitfield at Table 12 in
Meadow Lakes Retirement Community’s dining room.
“Did you call the vet?” Robbie asked.
“She doesn’t need to,” Wiley Vondra
said. He walked over to their table and pulled up a chair. He turned it around
and sat on it backward, his arms resting on the back. At the same time,
Alphonso Greatwood, Meadow Lakes owner drove up on his scooter, The Mean
Machine.
“Who doesn’t need to what?” he asked.
“Call the vet,” Wiley answered. “On
the ranches dogs eat groundhogs all the time. It just means they’ll poop an oversized
hairball eventually.”
“I love Groundhog Day,” Robbie
said. “There are a lot of groundhogs and
at least one of them will have a forecast more reliable than the weather
service.”
Hadley smiled, “Valentine’s Day is
too depressing. Groundhog Day gives you a chance to say ‘Punxsutawney’ out
loud.”
Marge spoke up, “If a rodent can
bring an early spring, more power to it!”
“Look at it this way,” Alphonso said,
pouring himself a cup of decaf from the pot on table 12. “The Easter Bunny is a
stupid animal that gives us an opportunity to spend money on chocolate. On
February 2 you can order pork sausage and, just like old Geoffrey, eat ground hog.” They moaned.
 |
| Here is what I see from my desk where I’m writing BOOBs VII. |
And here’s what critics are saying
about what I’ve done with it so far.
Critic I: “It’s the funniest first page of any of the series.”
That’s saying something since I
starts with Maggie Patten shooting her husband’s headstone, II starts with the
words, “Patty Whack was n fun at all”, III begins with Frieda Grossemouth
driving her Cadillac into the dining room, IV sees Percolator Rasmussen spread eagled on the dining room
floor, his head smashed in, his throat cut, a nylon cord around his neck, a
bullet hole in his jacket and a knife in his back, V features Mary Rose in
Depends and VI show Wiley Vondra and Mary Rose fighting over chickens.
Critic 2: How does she think of all these things? And all those names like
Abstinence Evermore and DieWell Barebones, not to mention Sam and Ella
Simptums?
Answer: A warped mind.
Critic 3: Joy who? BOOBs VII is fun to write and I hope
will be more fun to read.
And we’re offering a special on the
next page.
If you have loaned your other BOOB
Girls books, and like most, never seen them again, you can replace them by
simply emailing me at joy.johnson@msn.com, telling me which ones you want and
sending a check for $15 for each book or $66 for all six. No shipping charge
for you. You will also be invited to the launch party to be announced as soon
as I finish VII.
In the meantime: Here is my schedule
for February. Come get a hug at the Carter Lake IA library or Griswold IA or
Our Saviors.
February 2 – Owenn Library Carter Lake, Mary Schomer, 10am 1120
Willow
February 18 – Griswold Library, 12pm, Sue
Peterson, 712-778-4130
February 19 – Chatty Hens Red Hats, Trinity
Village, Jane Jones, jjones@ihsi.org 522 W Lincoln St, Papillion, NE
68046(402) 614-5500
February
22 – Sunday, 2pm Bold Women of ELCA, Our Saviors Evangelical Lutheran Church, 600 Bluff
Street, Council Bluffs.
If you want me to speak at your group or meeting, I would be delighted.
Just call me at 402-639-2939, email me at joy.johnson@msn.com or through my website at www.theboobgirlscom
