A peek at BOOB Girls VI

A peek at BOOB Girls VI: From the Eye of the Moose.

Robinson Leary has inherited a haunted bed and breakfast in Salem’s Crossing, Nebraska. While cleaning the place – which was horrendously dust and cobweb covered, Hadley found a safety deposit key in a drawer of a beautiful little antique Eastlake table. The next day, they headed into town to visit the bank.

The bank was a typical small town bank. The teller’s cages were antiques but beautifully preserved. The wooden floor shown brightly and the entire building smelled of polish and age which almost hid the sneaky little odor of mouse urine.  Marge counted twelve people standing in line at the tellers’ cages, making out deposit and withdrawal slips and talking to the bankers seated at desks in the big room. They stood in line in front of the teller with the fewest people.

Coming in right behind them was a young man wearing black boots, black jeans, black turtle neck and black sweatshirt.  Topping off his ensemble was a black ski mask pulled down over his face. He was carrying a rifle.  Unnoticed by the customers who were concentrating on other things, he moved to the back of the room and in a very loud voice said, “Everybody on the floor! Now!”

The girls turned as one, surprise on their faces and looked at him. The other customers were dropping to the floor just as they had seen in bank robberies in the movies. Hadley, Robbie, Mary Rose and Marge however, stayed upright.

Hadley put one hands on her hips and leaned toward him. “Are you kidding?” she said in a loud voice. “Look at us. We don’t do floors! If we get on that floor we will never get up!”

Robbie shook a finger at the robber. “Does your mother know this is what you do for a living?!”

Mary Rose took two steps to stand right beside and very close to the young man, whose eyes were looking slightly startled through the slits of the ski mask.  She pointed to the gun. “Young man, you have a magnificent weapon. What kind of gun is that?”

The kid looked at the gun, then at Mary Rose and opened his mouth. That’s when Marge Aaron lifted her gain, pressed a jewel and TASER’d him in the balls.

A Note from Joy:

Thanks to all of you who came to the launch party September 13. The band, Clan Grady was excellent, the food was super, the laughter non-stop and now a whole lot of BOOB Girls are reading book VI.

If you missed that party, there’s another.

I am proud to be the first author signing at the new location for our favorite bookstore, The Bookworm. The worm will crawl at the end of September to the beautiful new Loveland Plaza on the northeast corner of 90^th and Center. It’s a great new location and I hope to break a bottle of our cheap champagne on the corner to christen it properly. Come! Even if you already have the book, let’s get The Bookworm off to a good start.

The Bookworm, signing of BOOB Girls VI:

Sunday, October 12, 1-3pm. 

Other “joyful” events where Joy will speak and sign:

A Stitch in Crime, Mystery Bookstore, Saturday, September 20, 4pm:

1414 S 13th St, Omaha, NE 68108 (402) 342-7343

Waterloo NE Public Library, Wednesday, September 24, 7pm

23704 Cedar Dr, Waterloo, NE 68069  (402) 779-4171

Council Bluffs IA Senior Cente, Friday, September 26, 10am

714 South Main, Council Bluffs, Iowa 712-323-5995

Watch for a calendar of October dates.

If you want to schedule Joy to speak to your group, email her at joy.johnson@msn.com

And to buy BOOB Girl books, send a check to Joy Johnson, Centering Corporation, 7230 Maple St, Omaha NE 68134 for $16 for each book in the series. (includes shipping) or place your credit card order on www.theboobgirls.com.

I: The BOOB Girls: The Burned Out Old Broads at Table 12

II: The BOOB Girls II: Lies, Spies and Cinnamon Rolls

III: The BOOB Girls III: Sandhills and Shadows

IV: The BOOB Girls: Murder at Meadow Lakes

V: The BOOB Girls: The Secret of the Red Cane

VI: The BOOB Girls: From the Eye of the Moose

Vote for the New Book Cover

 

                  Crazy Moose                Daisy Moose

Vote at the Top Right of this page!

You Fancy a Game of Poker?

A story from BOOB Girls I: The Burned Out Old Broads at Table 12.

They heard it early on; the rumor about a naked man in the laundry room at midnight on the fifteenth of every month. So on that date, the first thing they did after lunch was take a nap because they are senior women and they don’t stay up till midnight. And at that witching hour, Maggie Patten, Hadley Joy Morris-Whitfield, Robinson Leary and Mary Rose McGill crept down the hall to the Meadow Lakes Retirement Community’s laundry room. They paused for just a minute in front of the door. They could hear Willie Nelson wailing from a boom box inside; then Maggie Patten threw open the door.

Willie Vondra was seated behind a card table, a hand of solitaire laid out before him. He was wearing only his cowboy boots, a brown leather vest and his old Stetson hat. He smiled as he looked up at them. “Hello ladies!” he said, “you want to play a game of poker?”

Hadley put her hand over her heart. “I’m not sure I even remember how.”

Robbie took a step backward, “I don’t think I ever knew how.”

Mary Rose McGill looked puzzled. “I don’t think I’m allowed.”

Maggie Patten looked at them for just a second.  “I’ll get the chairs,” she said, and she marched toward a storage closet at one end of the laundry room. The game was on!

 

Happy Mother's Day from The BOOB Girls

It was a beautiful Spring day. Hadley, Marge, Robbie and Mary Rose were sipping diet sodas and ice tea at one of the picnic tables on the big patio at Meadow Lakes Retirement Community.

“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Enjoy.’” Mary Rose said.

“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Be ready to duck! Storms am a comin’.” Marge added.

“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Robins are stupid birds – they always come back just before the Spring blizzard,” Robbie added.

“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Get ready for the shopping spree on Mother’s Day’,” Hadley said, leaning her back onto the picnic table and stretching out her long leg.

“Oh crap,” Mary Rose said. “I really don’t want to go to one of my girls for Mother’s Day. I think I’ll run away from home.”

“Hadley nodded, “I have to make an appearance at my son’s place, but what say we all get together late afternoon and find a little Chinese place and eat Chinese food for Easter.”

“Plan!” the other three said together.

Mary Rose was thoughtful. Just look at all our mothers taught us, though. My mother taught me about ESP. I used to say, ‘wipe that smile off your face! I know what you’ve been up to!’”

Hadley smiled, “My mother taught me about medicine. She always said, ‘If you don’t stop crossing your eyes they’re going to freeze that way.’”

Marge nodded. “My mother taught me about genetics. Over and over she sighed and said, ‘You’re just like your father.’”

“Hey,” Robbie smiled. “My mother saw to it I worked hard every day and when I was old enough to mow the lawn she taught me about humor. She’d say, ‘When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

They laughed.

“My girls aren’t that bad, “Mary Rose said. “I just tend to turn into the mother they had when they were eight, ten and twelve and I’d like to treat them like I treat you girls.” They all had an instant picture of Mary Rose’s daughters with grey hair. They laughed again.

“Well,” Marge grinned. “If they start acting that age, just give them the Mother’s Curse.”

They looked at her. She stood up and pointed a finger at Mary Rose, put a fake frown on her face and tried to look mean. “May you have five children just like you!”

“Back to this idea of Chinese food for Easter,……” Hadley said, and they all leaned toward her to listen.

Need the perfect Mother’s Day gift for daughter, cousin, sister or Very Special Best Friend Forever?

Send an inscribed copy of any BOOB Girls book at a special price and we’ll ship it direct to your BOOB Girl.  It’s simple

1.       Send a check for $14  for each book to Joy Johnson, Box 4600, Omaha NE 68134

(If you want to use a credit card, call Ben at 1-866-218-0101

      2, T ell us to whom it should be inscribed.

3.       Tell us her address.

4.       Be sure to tell us which book you want.

We’ll get it out the same day with a BOOB Girls card saying it’s from you.

Happy Mother’s Day, BOOB Girl Buddies!

II Have A Little Shadow that Goes In and Out with Me

This is 100% personal. I don’t know how long Marv (whom most of you have met and whom many of you love, has to live. It may be a few weeks; it may be a few days. I wrote this piece for Centering Corporation’s Grief Digest Magazine and I want to share it now with you.  

When I’ve talked about my shadow. people give it different names: depression, fear, anxiety, despair, sorrow, grief – the list depends on the person; but we all have a little shadow.

I first saw my shadow when my husband, Marv, and I were eating ice cream at a Cold Stone Creamery. His phone rang and the young doctor who had treated him for two years told him the biopsy for esophageal cancer had finally come back positive. When I looked up, eyes damp, I saw my shadow. It had a long black cape with the hood pulled up so its face was hidden. It was dipping a double chocolate peanut butter into a waffle cone and it looked like a skinny Grim Reaper.

It followed us out the door to our truck and climbed in the backseat with Barney, our Bernese mountain dog. The dog didn’t seem to notice. That evening, when we had dinner with friends and told them Marv had cancer; my shadow just sat at the table with us and quietly sipped a dry martini.

It was with us for every radiation and chemo treatment. Cancer treatment is a kaleidoscope of horrors administered by loving people who care. My Shadow bent over us and looked as if it cared, too. Once I looked out the window of the cancer center and there was my shadow, talking to a group of other shadows. The place was loaded with them. I looked hard and I’m sure some of them were smoking.

 I have to admit it is a very loyal shadow and it has no modesty. It follows me into the bathroom, it takes showers with me. I think it would probably like to wear the Mickey Mouse bathrobe I love.

It went to Florida with us for the winter a couple of years ago. It liked Florida. Maybe it’s a warm weather shadow. It stood with its arms crossed, leaning against a Palm tree while friends helped us hook up our RV because Marv was too weak to do it and I had broken my hip and was leaning on a cane.

Then, for one glorious, doctor-free year it disappeared. I didn’t see it at all. I never even looked for it. But in December, when Marv had pneumonia and they discovered the cancer had come back, guess who was sitting on the foot of his hospital bed: The Shadow.

Now it never leaves. In our retirement apartment, it watches snow fall from our big windows. It sits on the couch with us when we watch Netflix movies. It seems to really enjoy the ones with car chases. The damn thing follows me everywhere. Our cat, Margaret Thatcher, walks right through it and it reaches down to stroke her back. It’s not a mean Shadow – it’s just persistent and ever-present. Oh, and it loves Marv’s hospice nurse! It leans over her shoulder as she writes in her notebook, it pretends it has a stethoscope when she listens to Marv’s heart. If the hospice brings new meds or new equipment, it actually gets excited.

I’m afraid it’s going to be a constant companion long after the love of my life dies. I think it will mellow out some, but I know it won’t go away.

I’m getting used to it.

I’m learning from it.

I’ve come to expect it.

That doesn’t mean I have to like it.

New Years Blog

“No New Year’s Resolutions!” Hadley Joy Morris Whitfield said loudly.

“No New Year’s Resolutions!” Mary Rose McGill Repeated.

“Absolutely No New Year’s Resolutions!” Marge Aaron almost yelled.

“Absolutely Amen!” Robinson Leary almost whispered.

The 7pm to 10pm New Year’s Eve Party at Meadow Lakes Retirement Community had ended. It had been fun with a top—notch program, music, jokes and tables laden to overflowing with appetizers made by the residents. Champagne graced every table along with wines and mixes and even more than one soft drink. It was a good time and now The BOOB Girls, Hadley, Mary Rose, Robbie and Marge were in Hadley’s apartment finishing the evening with – what was for them – a late night glass of wine.

“Let’s do something totally weird and different for the New Year,” Mary Rose said. Since she had lost sixty pounds and found her moxie nearly six years ago, Mary Rose McGill, sweet Catholic girl, had developed a mischievous steak that was not only fun, but also creative.

It was Hadley though, who came up with the first idea. “Tomorrow, New Year’s Day, we all go down to the lobby and when people come by and congregate and pick up their mail I am going to be there eating from a jar of Mayonnaise.” They looked at her.

“It’s simple,” she explained. “I’m going to empty out a jar of mayonnaise, fill it with vanilla pudding and stand around eating it. People will be sure I’m eating the Mayonnaise right out of the jar.”

Mary Rose laughed. “I,” she said with a flourish, “will be wearing my big T-shirt with the word LIFE on it and I’ll be handing people lemons.”

“When LIFE hands you lemons,” Robbie said, “make lemonade.” She thought for a minute. “I’m going to fill every shot glass I have and all of you have with pickle juice, put them on a tray along with that big bottle of Mountain Dew in the Marge’s refrigerator and invite everyone to a glass of the new Diet Mountain Dew for Seniors.” She smirked and evil little smirks. They all looked at Marge, retired homicide detective.

She paused for just a second. “In keeping with my profession, if I could I would hire two private detectives and have them trail each other. But that wouldn’t be any fun here, so I’m going to give Zed Zonker $20, tell him I borrowed it from Wiley Vondra without Wiley’s knowing it and have him track Wiley and slip it in his pants without his knowing it. Then I’m going to give a twenty to Wiley and have him slip it to Zed without Zed noticing.

They looked at her.

“You have lots of twenties lying around?” Robbie asked with a smile. Marge unscrewed the top of her red cane and pulled out two twenty dollar bills.

“Eating mayonnaise straight from a jar, LIFE giving people lemons, pickle juice Mountain Dew and Zed and Wiley following each other all day. It could not be a better start for the New Year,” Hadley said.

“One reason old people don’t do stupid things is there aren’t any left to do,” Mary Rose said.

“We just thought of some good ones,” Marge said.

They raised their wine glasses in salute. “Happy New Year,” they said together.

Notes from Joy

Here’s where The BOOB Girls will be in January. Come, get hugs and laugh with us. Even if you’ve heard it before, it’s good to get out, be with other Burned Out Old Broads and realize again how beautiful you are. Come to:

Saturday, January 11, Author’s Fair: Sump Memorial Library, Papillion NE 2-4pm

222 North Jefferson, Papillion. 402-898-8830

Wednesday, January 15, The Landing, Lincoln, NE 2pm

PrevNext

3500 Faulkner Drive, Lincoln, NE 68516, 402-420-9355

Thursday, January 16, Immanuel Village, Omaha NE. 2pm

6803 North 68th Plaza, Omaha, NE 68152  402-829-3220

Wednesday, January 22, Trinity Village, Papillion NE 2pm

522 West Lincoln Street, Papillion, NE 68046, 402-614-5500

Monday, January 23: Hot Reads for Cold Nights: The BOOB Girls. 6pm (POSTPONED, TBA)

Council Bluffs Public Library 400 Willow Ave, Council Bluffs, IA 51503
(712) 323-7553

Friday, January 24, Lakeside Village, Omaha NE, 1pm

17475 Frances Street, Omaha, NE 68130,  402-829-9020

Tuesday, January 28, Pacific Springs, Omaha NE, 1pm

805 South 173rd Court, Omaha, NE 68118, 402-691-8434

And if you want me to come annoy YOUR group, just get in touch:

Email: joy.johnson@msn.com

402-639-2939

www.theboobgirls.com

The BOOB Girls Facebook Page

I’ve begun writing BOOBS VI: From the Eye of the Moose

Robinson Leary will inherit a haunted Bed and Breakfast in Salem’s Crossing, NE.

More good news to share – a group is working to make BOOBS One, the first book into a Reader’s or Mini-theater. Watch your emails for progress. It will be fun.

We have very few BOOB Girls Calendars left. Call Centering Corporation at 402-553-1200 or shoot me an email if you need another one. They went over really well.

Thanks for your love and support and for enjoying being the fifth BOOB Girl at Table 12.

We are talking at Centering about having a couple of BOOB Girl coffees during the year. Would you come if invited? After the success of the calendar launch and Sip and Ship and BOOB Girls V launch, which was way last spring, we’ve had requests for more parties. Hey – who doesn’t like a party?? Let us know if this sounds good to you and we’ll do it!