No Irate Pi-rates for the BOOB Girls

No Irate Pi-rate for the BOOB Girls

They came out of the movie and sat down at a table in the fashionable theater lobby. Crowds streamed by them, talking and laughing. It was BOOB Girl review time for Pirates of the Caribbean IV.

“I love Johnny Depp!” Mary Rose McGill squealed. Then she quoted, “I think we’ve all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically.”

Robbie shot back another Jack Sparrow quote, “Now where is that monkey? I want to shoot something.”

“Obstacles have been met, encountered and overcome,” Maggie added.

“Guard the boat, man the tides….and don’t touch my dirt.” Hadley did a good imitation of Capt. Jack Sparrow.

“For me, he’ll always be Edward Scissorhands,” Robbie Leary mused. Being a retired English professor, her tastes went to the classic and slightly bizarre storyline.

“He’s my Icabod Crane in Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” Hadley Joy Morris Whitfield added.

‘No way, Jose,” Maggie Patten smirked. She slid down in her chair, crossed her ankles and clasped her hands behind her head. She looked cocky. “The DeppMan is Rangoooooooh” She spun the word off her lips.

“Maggie, Rango was a lizard with Johnny’s voice for Pete’s sake,” Mary Rose said.

“And with a butt as cute as Depp’s,” Maggie countered. Then she thought for a minute. “Sorry, mates. Lizards don’t have butts”

 “You can all have Depp,” Hadley said. “I’m going to marry Ian McShane, Blackbeard himself.” She held up her hands and wiggled her fingers and smiled a wicked smile. “He was Al Swearengen in Deadwood on TV; a cussing, blustering, mean antihero.

Mary Rose was thoughtful for a minute. “If you were in Pirates 4, “she said, “would you be the daughter of Blackbeard or a mermaid?” They looked at her and shrugged.

“I’m not going to be either one. I’m going to be a whale instead of a mermaid,” she said with a sense of determination. “People pay money just to go watch for them. Whales are admired, they’re huge, they have adorable babies, lots of friends and no enemies except men.”

“Hah! I know about that.” Maggie Patten chimed in.

“Now you take a Mermaid,” Mary Rose continued, pointing her finger at Maggie. “If they meet a man, they kill him.”

“So?” Maggie grinned.

“And they don’t even exist. If they did exist they’d be lining up outside some shrink’s office with a bad case of identity crisis.  Woman or fish? Do they age? Do their boobs sag from never wearing bras? And here’s the sticker, girls. They can’t have sex.”

They looked at her again.

“Who would want to have sex with ‘em?” Maggie askeds. “They smell like fish for God’s sake.”

Mary Rose stood up and grabbed the empty popcorn bucket. “You can’t even see where IT is for sex on a Mermaid.” She looked at her friends around the table. “I’m refilling our large popcorn bucket and taking it home.”

“Movie popcorn isn’t good for us, Mary Rose,” Robbie yelled after her.

Mary Rose looked over her shoulder. “I don’t care, Kiddo. I’m going for whaleness!”