The BOOB Girls celebrate Christmas
Meadow Lakes Retirement Community, which has neither meadow or lakes, was decorated to the hilt. Lighted trees were on every floor – in every corner, it seemed. The smell of evergreen floated through the air. Chip Davis’ Manheim Steamroller Christmas tunes echoed through the halls. It was wonderful and exciting and beautiful and every single resident was thoroughly enjoying their Christmas depression.
“We should have a party early on,” Hadley Joy Morris-Whitfield said. “Start your Christmas depression early with us.”
“Why do we always get down and out around Christmastime?” Mary Rose McGill asked
“I think it’s because all our toys have been opened,” Robinson Leary said. “One time, when I was about twelve years old, my folks were gone for a couple of hours. I carefully opened every package under the tree that had my name on it. There were mittens and clothes and new boots and a game I wanted and perfume for young girls and you know what?”
They looked at her.
“It totally ruined Christmas. When Christmas morning came, opening presents was no fun. I think that’s what happens when we get older. Not only are the people who made the holidays special for us when we were young gone, a lot of our friends are dead or with family far away, we’ve opened all the toys. There’s nothing we really want anymore. We take care of our families if we have any. We spend too much money and we’re never sure they really like what we get anyway.”
Mary Rose McGill gave her a friendly slap on the arm. “You don’t have any family, Robbie. You spend too much on us.”
“Point taken,” Robbie smiled. “I don’t have any family except you two and Wiley and Wes.”
“Remember,” Hadley said with a smile, “We’re as happy as we decide we’re going to be. Let’s enjoy the beauty and each other and be grateful for everything that comes with the season.
“Reindeer,” Mary Rose said. “I always loved thinking about reindeer flying and pulling the sleigh.”
Robbie grinned. “What about the other reindeer? Olive.”
Mary Rose looked puzzled. “Olive?”
“Yeah, you know….Olive, the other reindeer. Used to laugh and call him names.”
Hadley groaned. “What I like is the one about how Santa is really a woman.” And she began to count on her fingers.
1. - Men can't pack a bag.2.- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
3- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
4- Men don't answer their mail.
5- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling "bowl full of jelly."
6- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.”
7- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
8- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.”
“OK,” Robbie said. “Now I know what causes Christmas depression – bad jokes! And the worst one ever is about the first reindeer in a bar.”
Hadley cocked her head and Mary Rose grimaced.
“One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof.
The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here.”
“And that’s the last bad joke you’re hearing from us!” Hadley said. And they turned and headed toward the soft-serve ice cream machine which was, of course, featuring red and green ice cream…..with sprinkles.
